I have been in quite the funk for a couple of months now. i really really need to start implementing some of the practical solutions to my problems. i am very aware of what i need to work on and how to fix it, the biggest problem is just doing that, fixing it. no one is going to push me off my ass and help me fix my issues and i have accepted that. the best friend i have besides the Lord is myself. i have to be the friend to myself that i am to everyone else. i have given away so much of me that there’s not much left. i gotta fix it. like there are people that i genuinely care about that i text and check on and shit just because that’s what i want to do, but sometimes it gets really discouraging when i don’t get any of those just saying hi types of messages in return. i don’t do anything in life to get something back besides working for a check. i am sincere in my care for people even when i probably shouldn’t care so much. i’m just going to take a step back and regain my life. stop worrying so much about why this and why that and just go for it. everyone is not going to be the same type of friend i am and that’s okay. i’ll just start taking things for how they are. i have learned from experience that expecting anything from anyone is a waste of time. i’ll keep myself full so when people add to me, i’ll just overflow instead of counting on what they’re adding to me to make me whole. fuck all of that. i’ve spent a lot of time being unfair to myself. can’t do this much longer. i also will not allow myself to become depressed or be stuck on eeyore mode. i will be a positive person and take control of me from this point forward! I <3 me and that is what matters first and foremost.